4am

It’s 4am, Dear Lover.

Now is not the time for you.

This is the time you should be snuggled in the

Arms of the one who makes you giggle and post

All those cheesy pictures online.

You should be lying in bed planning

Your future complete with six kids

Two dogs and a house.

You should be coming up with all the mean

Things you’ll say tomorrow to single, fucked up girls

Like me.

Better yet, you should be having the sex you

Allude to only when you bring up the fact that

The rest of us are lonely.

You should be just getting in from the parties

You love that the rest of us weren’t invited to.

You should be watching those wedding videos and

Zeroing in on how your friends look so jealous beside

You at the altar.

You should be still expressing your disgust at them

Trying to drink their problems away at the reception.

You should be being as happy as you say you are.

So, why is it that you’re calling me?

Did you suddenly have a bad day with the one

Who will wake up and still love you tomorrow?

Or did you actually remember that you have a friend

Who didn’t die right after you said “I do”?

What happened?

Did you find the phone number of an ex in his cell phone?

Did she reply to a text from an old boyfriend?

Did he tell you you’ve gained weight?

Did she laugh hysterically at a joke her ex-fiance told?

Or did you remember that you had a friend who stood by

You during all of your breakups?

Did you remember who introduced you?

Or are you calling because I am the only one

You know who’s awake?

Or am I supposed to tell you an anecdote from my life

That will make yours seem so much better?

Can’t you just go away and let me be pathetic?

Can’t you allow me not to be jealous of you for a minute?

Can’t you, for a second, not make me feel like everyone has someone

But me?

Can’t you spare me the details of how annoyed you will pretend to be

Only to end up putty in each others' hands?

Can’t you for ONCE not give me the “Be glad you’re single” speech

Right before the gushes and coos about how much you love each other?

Don’t even act like you remember me.

Don’t try the “Remember when” and “I’m so glad we’re friends” game with me.

Please just go away.

It’s 4am.

For me, it’s the crying hour.

And I really don’t want you here.

TK