Dear White Best Friend

Dear White Best Friend,  

    I'm a second class citizen. I don't see myself that way and I know that's not how you see me. But that is the way America sees me and my unborn children. You see, they will be born with a cross to bear. And until they get here, the splinters of said cross will be content to draw their blood from me instead. The only crime that ever had to be committed was to show up with black skin. Our heartbreak is not what matters in any court of law. Our tears are only meant to water seeds of hatred. We all live not with thoughts of what we will be when we grow up, but what we want to TRY to be IF we grow up. Long gone are the days of drinking from separate fountains but we cannot pretend our thirsts are quenched when the streets run red with our blood. They might as well show me my sonogram and send me on my way with a set of baby booties with shackles attached because we are all expected to be in them from birth.
    I love you every day and every minute you are my sister. But there are times we have been on the run from reality. Hand in hand we flee through the woods and wade through muddy rivers. But the dogs aren't trained to smell you. We stand in forests facing our fates, but the nooses are not made for your neck. We move in the night with only a lantern to see, but you don't need to run to find your freedom.
    When I shut down, know that you are not the source of my avoidance. Also know that when we discuss headlines, not only do I have to rationalize, but I have to fear for my brothers and my offspring. My babies are robbed of breath before knowing the joy. Know that I am trying to process the conversation I had with one of my beautiful dark skinned sisters who told me she would only date and marry a white man so that her children can be lighter and have an easier life than she did. Know that I am trying to process the fact that when someone who isn't Black can garner a million laughs from pretending to be us, but when the curtain closes, they get to walk down the street and go home safely. Know that I am mad as hell, but I am doing my best to be civil and not display that Angry Black People Syndrome they say we are all born with. Know that I know your eyes are not the only ones on me and that not all lips are speaking of me favorably. Know that I am trying to hold it all together. Know that I am doing the best that I can.

Sincerely,
      TK