Please Understand....

So, I was people-watching with a friend the other day and she said something that reminded me of something that is utterly irritating to me. Two men walked by- one dressed in a t-shirt and baggy jeans, tattooed from what looked like head to toe and talking on his phone about an "ungrateful bitch wit' the fine ass friend" and the other dressed in slacks, a tie and saying happy birthday to his grandmother. My friend (because we all have that one) motioned toward the first man and said "Girl, he look like he can handle BUSINESS!" So I, being the inquisitive chick I am, motioned toward the other guy and asked, "What about him?" Well, my girl had the ugliest frown on her face. She said "Him? He couldn't handle me." My girl went on to explain to me why a thug is so much better than what she calls a "super nerd". She says there is nothing like a man who won't be afraid to tell you "to calm the fuck down" sometimes and one "you can look at and tell he is the man in the bedroom".

This opened up the can of worms I like to call "The Battle of Hood Hung versus Professionally Packing". Because the conversation started out as one about genital endowment, I will tell you about this battle on that level first. Apparently, there are some ladies who don't know that there is a thrill in being a man who dresses nicely and carries himself respectfully. I'm not saying he needs to be metrosexual and have more skin care and hair products than I do. But well groomed is sexy. There is an immeasurable sexy about a man who comes home after a long day, loosens his tie and undoes those top few buttons on his dress shirt. And if suits aren't your thing Fellas, the untucked polo can be sexy too. The beautiful thing about this man is that he doesn't wear his libido on his sleeve but when he gets behind closed doors, he is willing to show you much more than he has ever tried to tell you. It is his mystery and what he leaves to the imagination that makes him irresistible.

Now to dig deeper in this can of worms and really see the part of the argument that is not sexual in nature. To do this, we can just look at the interpretations of the words "hang/hung" and "packing/packed". When something is hung, it is suspended. It is fastened to some elevated point without support from below (Thanks, Webster's). I picture it, in all other ways besides the one that pertains to art, as being thrown on a hook and left there as drapery, if you will. There isn't meant to be any type of presentation, only a quick ooooooh and aaahhhhh and and then you're on your way. But when I think of packing, the first thing I think of is preparing to go somewhere. I think of placing things tightly together. And my friends at Webster's says it can also mean "to put in a protective container". I'm not sure what other women feel, but I would rather have a man who is preparing to go places, tight, together and can provide a protective container for me (if need be, of course) rather than one that has me suspended, fastened to some point of elevation with no support and is just some drapery any day. Then I, for one, find it pretty appealing not to have someone who will roll over and punch me in the eye as a way of letting me know he's still there.

I hear so many of my female friends complain saying they can't find a decent man. But the truth is, we are a part of the problem. I have said this both in a relationship and out. If we as women would only look for the right things in the opposite sex, we would be much better off. We spend all our time looking for the man who has all the money we will ever need (Get a damn job, Girl) rather that the one who will give us all the love we could ever need. We get impregnated by the ones we feel have the highest hood status rather than the ones who are interested in maintaining the highest status as a father and has less interest in being the neighborhood sperm bank. There is nothing wrong with being able to have an intelligent conversation with a man and for him to be able to memorize the term "401k" before the term "Inmate #4579079K". Just because he hasn't had to flex his muscle to the point of arrest doesn't mean he can't be your prize fighter when you need him to be. And just because he doesn't have all the money and all the answers right now doesn't mean tomorrow won't be his day of epiphany. Just because he would rather talk about sports or video games and every other word out of his mouth isn't a four-letter word and his pants don't hang to his knees doesn't mean he isn't your man. So I guess what I'm saying is Ladies, we need to stop being stupid and get our priorities together. A real man is a man who doesn't walk around all day just looking for ways to prove he's a real man. It comes naturally to him and he is comfortable being who he is. Tighten up, Girls. And Super Nerd, call me.